Well, this is awkward
It’s been a while, huh? Where do I start?
Last time I wrote a blog post, in September, I was facing times of stress and uncertainty. Firstly, and mostly, because I had just come back to Portugal after spending the best months of my life in my dear Sweden with Querido; secondly, because I was also back in law school, and had the memory of an almost-failed semester fresh in my mind. I wasn’t motivated and, many times until December, I felt like I was boycotting myself for not doing what I actually wanted to do.
Well, while that may be true, I also held myself responsible for the choices I made in the past, and so I decided to - truly, this time - do my best at school. And guess what? That actually worked out pretty well for me! So, does that mean that I don’t regret anything and that I’m 100% sure about my academic path? Not really - I actually love studying, but in order to be successful (at least in my field and in my faculty), it is faux studying that works the best: it doesn’t matter to what extent I know and comprehend the material, and it also doesn’t matter if I’m creative and present my own well-thought solutions for a certain case or legislative problem - I still needed to study a whole lot, but it was in order to know a small portion of the material with meticulous detail, and that’s what worked. Go figure. I bet you thought this was more like Law & Order (it’s ok, so did I).
Either way, and for the sake of registering it, my favorite class was Tax Law. Does that mean that I might take pleasure in removing 49% of your pay in the near future? Nah foo, I’m doing this because understanding the dominating principles and ideology behind a certain field in law is the only way to adjust it and solve its problems. It also tells you a lot about what story the status quo is counting on the general public to enact - with surprising results. Metaphysics should be a mandatory class in law school, y’know.
Being away from Jonatan during that time was no sweet pear, as we say in Portugal. Looking back on it, we’re talking about being away for about three months, but it already seemed like three months had passed after I was gone for a week - and that should tell you enough about how hard it was. Fortunately, before I traveled back to Sweden, Christmas popped up - which made the last couple of weeks fly by, considering that I’m a Christmas person and that this was one fun Christmas. To me, and ever since I was a little kid, Christmas is all about sitting down, enjoying traditional food and drinks by the Christmas tree and the fireplace, and having fun with your loved ones - by mockery, usually. Even though not everyone could be present, we still had a great time.
A day after Christmas, it was Christmas all over again, as I traveled back to Sweden. Jonatan and svärfar picked me up at the airport after I had gone through customs (as an EU citizen, I shouldn’t have to go through customs, but for some reason, I must look like a potential drug mule, which is quite amusing). My stay there wasn’t long, but it was amazing - I love spending time with that man, I love his food, I love being with him, and I love thousands and thousands of things about him and all of this that would make the reading time of this post scary. We also got to meet our good friends. Zira offered each of us a runic pendant which he carved himself, and that meant a lot to me. It symbolizes my relationship with Querido in many beautiful ways. Querido and I also got to cook a lot on New Year’s Eve, which was a great way to start a really fun night. We ate twelve sultanas, starting twelve seconds before midnight, which is a Portuguese custom. I’m thankful that everyone decided to partake in it. Actually, I’m very thankful that, for the last year, I’ve had the chance to improve and deepen my relationship with my love to such a tremendous degree and to make new friends that have welcomed me so warmly into their town and their lives. If I had to summarize 2018 into a (complex) feeling, it would be something that brings together love, gratefulness and a deep sense of belonging - three very underrated things, especially when put together. Never before did I think that life would lead me to a place - and, yes, people are also places; they are places with two open arms, they are places if where they are is where you want to be - where I feel that, despite all the problems and imperfections that I still have to work on, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Anyway, I’ve been in Portugal for about two weeks now, but I will be back home in a week for a longer stay. I’m looking forward to it, and I think it’s a great chance to make 2019 even better than 2018 - right from the start.
Vi ses!
Things I want to do in 2019
- Kiss Querido more
- Get better at Swedish
- Read Tolkien
- Get better at believing in myself during trying times
- Eat Semlor
- Get better at telling people that they are important to me (more often)
- Re-explore stoicism - know when to take my chill pills/keep things in perspective
- Go out for breakfast with my matriarchs weekly
- Study a law field that makes people give me side-eye
- Write more!